Im just saying that indicates very little to me. How easy it must be to cultivate a close relationship and enjoy time together when you both like the same stuff! (Which is fine, I guess. Help her see the best side of her dad, even if hes sometimes making it difficult. Manage Settings Others say no because the spouse is the one person who will always be there for you, no matter what. Did he take me out to Madonna concerts and listen to me babble on endlessly about her latest video. She SHOULD be more informed and its good that her dad wants her to be. For some reason I keep imagining LWs husband as Red Foreman and her daughter as Eric. The thing is, what the father is doing is rude. When I was a kid, I shared a lot of interests with my mom, too, and not as many with my dad. She occasionally plays them with her friends but she could care less whether she wins or loses because she doesnt care for them and so she isnt invested in the game. I was able to read teen magazines but they made sure it was balanced. My parents did stuff with me because I wanted to and vice versa, of course thats important! (My parents zydeco phase was an odd one.) Make it a game. If your teenager is starting to pull away, it is important to resist the urge to panic or try to force them to spend more time with you. I would call that well-rounded. Im not even saying all of the things listed are mature and intelligent, but that people can be smart and informed and still like these things. July 2, 2013, 12:02 pm. No we're not on speaking terms after he decided to sell his grandmother's home (my wife's mother) instead of keeping it. Or if shes interested in other fantasy series (ex. Everything Hilary Duff Has Said About Her Motherhood Journey Over the Years Would have I rather been at the mall or curled up on the couch with a good book? My personal relationship with my dad was almost non-existent when I was a tween/early teen, except for those forced family moments. They have to come at this from a position of mutual respect. (even though his tone and demeanor sound indefensively harsh, cruel and mean.). lets_be_honest We laughed because the one garden that got me actually excited and interested (the Japanese gardens) was her least favorite and is also my dads favorite type of gardens. Seriously though, Joss Whedon writes amazing TV his shows are some of the best the medium has to offer. Try to get him to understand that all he has done so far is push away those people that he probably cares about the most his wife and children. I realized at a young age that compromise was an important thing in a relationship. My junior daughter does & my husband complains all the time that she has no need for a cellphone except when she is driving. My mother attended maybe a handful of my softball games in the 10 years I played competitively. But sometimes, this relationship can be strained. Um, Im in my twenties and all my friends like these things. What To Do When Your Partner and Daughter Dont Get Along? So, encourage her to spend time with him. Your days of Tigerbeat should be long tempered by now. Hes trying to be a parent to her and teach her what he thinks is important for her to know, while I am trying to encourage her to develop her own interests and do what she loves. LW, what kind of music does your husband like? if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-4','ezslot_15',127,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-4-0');And since she loves you both, it can be tough for her to see you stay in a situation that makes you both so miserable. When Spouses Disagree About Parenting - Positive Parenting Something like that might be a good intersection of the father and daughters interests. I do understand how easily this Mom couldve gotten caught up in her ways of teaming up with the kid. Respect the boundaries and, as far as possible, learn to relax and take refuge on your side of the fence. Im guessing that you probably make comments about him every so often to your daughter. The first theory is that her husband is jealous of the close relationship she has with their daughter. It sounds like she and her daughter just happen to share the same interests. I would have been crushed if he rolled his eyes when I was excitedly talking about something. Though of course, there are ways to encourage a daughter to experience some parts of being a teenage girl which also are good (like trying to get them to go to at least one sporting event in high school if they have someone to go with, trying to get them to ask one person out on a date, to invite one person over to hang out, etc.) It makes me very depressed that the new Star Trek movies are so popular when the brilliance of DS9 and TNG are all but forgotten amongst our youth . "So last night, I did everything exactly the same way, but it was a disaster. After all, they are two different people with two different perspectives. July 2, 2013, 1:27 pm. But believe it or not, a lot of my nerdy students do like Buffy quite a few of them go to conventions, and as far as I can tell, theyre just giant nerd festivals, so its actually kind of easy to encounter something that was popular 15 years ago because where there are nerds, there is Buffy. 2 weeks later his wife tried killing him, leaving him in the hospital for 3 months. Hes embarrassing her. In the meantime, you can bolster your children's confidence and counter the ill effects of your husband's put-downs by constantly reassuring them of your love and affection. Dream! Shes not talking about the Kardashians, but is talking about shows/books that mature, intelligent adults like. If youre struggling to get along with your teen or adult daughter, dont hesitate to seek professional help. And its his behavior that is the problem and his behavior that needs to change here. 23 Signs Your Partner Is Mentally Abusive - Bustle Well, it made me sad that he didnt want to hear all about The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks when I read that. I agree with everything Wendy said, and your daughter will certainly benefit from spending quality time with him, even if they arent doing things that she necessarily enjoys. bittergaymark But it sounds like dad needs to remove the ginormous stick from his ass and let his daughter fangirl. My father only wanted sons, so he decided that his daughters were going to get into sports, hunting, home repair television shows and walks in the woods. Its not rocket science. I think my athletic and musical skills would have benefited a lot if I could have had practice early. That doesnt mean you cant enjoy shared interests together, but just do so as mother and daughter, not BFFs. Hell, even back in my day it wasnt that hard. Look, I had a great relationship with my dad. July 2, 2013, 12:30 pm. Though unsettling, your partner was not boring. lets_be_honest I was shocked that a father is rolling his eyes and telling his daughter that her interests annoy him. I didnt say all mature and intelligent adults like Buffy or Star Trek, Im just saying there are mature and intelligent adults who like Buffy or Star Trek. If youre finding that your husband and daughter dont seem to be getting along, it can be a difficult situation to deal with. For my husband he has to do all the driving. Or are they just not able to love without losing themselves? I think it still disappoints him that I dont enjoy it, and havent watched it all. Not from Scranton either! July 2, 2013, 12:02 pm, Obviously, but thats just because youre wrong and not because of the certain, lasting trauma it will cause for lil. Manchester United bidders move to the next stage of takeover process', Remo Freuler admits Everton's visit is biggest game of season for Forest. I read ahead in my history textbook during class because I liked it so much. lets_be_honest That time was never truly enjoyable, no matter how much I enjoyed myself because I just wasnt compatible with his personality. Asking her to read a National Geographic article is hardly onerous. (This led me to be labeled as the quitter.) Blow out the torches! Seeing him cultivate her interests and introduce her to things I never would have has been a blessing. You sometimes got what you needed but not what you expected in unpredictable moments that made no sense. Give it a look and let me know what you think. Im notorious for doing this to family and friends, but you know what? Eventually I grew up and learned to appreciate these things, and I can look back and say wow, my dad was so great and modeled the type of behavior I should show. Also, my father took me to the new Disney movie every year. 2.5K views, 176 likes, 19 loves, 3 comments, 12 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Inframundo Relatos: SPOTIFY:. HA! than it is to have fun with them although you should have fun while doing so. No. I was like 7.) But you seem to have past that point long ago) Just as your husband has tried to cultivate in her his interests. 'My husband is a terrible driver. Why Does Your Daughter Wants You To Leave Your Husband? My teenage kids are miserable & he treats them like they are toddlers. That doesnt mean she shouldnt modify her behavior, but her desire is understandable and its easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. But yes, to all of it. July 2, 2013, 12:45 pm. I must just not be seeing things clearly. He just can't grasp the cost of a wedding. As your confusion increased, you probably felt a stronger need to make things happen the way they should, while your partner accused you of obsessively tracking his or her every move. If your husband wants a good relationship with his daughter he must first quit disparaging her and her interests and he must quit rolling his eyes. He is also very critical of both of US I notice myself not racing to pick up my daughter from. Where is the suggestion to ask the daughter what she may want to do? As an only child, I didnt have to share my parents, and I just happened to love the things my dad loved. I love this woman, but theres no pleasing her. See a different horoscope: Select July 2, 2013, 12:51 pm. I didnt say she was liking or disliking things to get close to her daughter. I mean freak out and force your kid to read something if they cant, not if you dont like that they choose to read Harry Potter in their free time. Or its hilarious I have seriously never watched football in my life, so I once got called on to do a touchdown dance. Obviously the ex spent a lot of time with his family (20 years) as they had a lot of gatherings. If the issue is raised during a child custody . If he had been the one to write to me, Id be giving him an earful, believe me), . My mistake then we read the play and watched the movie, and they went NUTS for the story. Heck yeah. When the symbolic slot machine pays off, you were likely to have been off and running through the interpersonal Alice in Wonderland maze again. Bring stakes with them in case vampires show up. I was thinking this too. Within a year of this, my dad became abusive. He. Ha! I wonder, though, if it would seem less like forcing if maybe the mother and father both liked to camp? One of these people is an adult and one of these people is twelve. Its no crime to roll your eyes at Buffy. At a certain point you just have to laugh at all the differences and enjoy the fact that the other person is having a good time! July 2, 2013, 12:06 pm. Husband treats 15 year old step son badly : r/Advice What To Do When My Husband Is Driving My Daughter Away? You need to be very careful, then, to avoid reacting out of worry or false guilt. Actually, my husbands a pretty big fanboy in general. If it doesnt come from both sides, its hard to want to do something with the other person, if the other person doesnt do anything to see your side of it. I grew up with a dad who I had a lot in common with. Its so longgggggggg! But that means he has to find something that *will* interest her, which means hes got to make some effort as well. Loved Jurassic Park and Baywatch of all things. lets_be_honest I think visiting an air and space museum if shes interested in Star Trek is a great idea. Its her birthday today So Im taking her out for a steak dinner and then were going to watch fireworks (which she has decided the city has put on for her). Skyblossom What makes a person so hard to please or so unwilling to be predictable? So now our oldest daughter is 16 and . For instance my freshman daughter doesn't have a cellphone yet. July 2, 2013, 11:04 am. It has legitimate and, imo, unassailable value in sparking the imaginations and intellectualism of people. ! And they were kind of blas, like, Oh, we didnt? That means the communication isnt effective and it may be that your husband has to hear this from someone outside the situation. I was saying thats debatable. That was what I meant about finding articles that the daughter would be interested in at first. And some of that happens by making fun of your child. I agree weddings can be stupid . Im peace-ing out. Just because FOX cancelled Firefly doesnt mean its not awesome anymore. My best friend is in that episode! I think its great that he invites her and wants to share his interests with her. I felt like he was listening, he felt like he was involved.. I enjoyed it so much, I went both mornings. As a mum who has exactly the same issue, I cant help but feel that this advice missed the point. Instead, you never know how they are going to react to a given situation. Maybe even consider making those things, like hiking or whatever, family events, so that its not a choice between a fun thing with mom and a thing she doesnt like as much with dad. He played the songs over and over and he had albums (and still does) and he would play them and copy them to the cassette so we could listen to them in the car together (pre CD times). July 2, 2013, 11:46 am. I agree with what Wendy said, but I also think the dad needs to show interests in her interests. It will also provide a model for her of living a rich adulthood, embracing passions and sharing passions them with the people you love (and showing interest in their passions!). Well, I feel like I may offer a different perspective on this. He may feel like hes being left out or that he isnt good enough for his daughter. Even if they like different kinds of books (fantasy vs. history, for example), if they both like to read, Dad can take her to Barnes & Noble and buy her a novel and a cup of coffee. My dad said to me that the best thing you can do as a parent is expose your kid to all of their options and let them decide from there. This part is simple: You must never let them in a vehicle with this man driving. Its great that the LW naturally shares so much with her daughter, but the girl needs to spend time with her father as well, even if it doesnt seem like the most interesting thing at the time. I dont know that I really have a favorite anymore I just like that theyre together again. They can work together to work on his father-daughter relationship but if his attitude doesnt change itll be that much harder. Continue with Recommended Cookies. This is partly why it can be so challenging to get a cognitively impaired individual to stop driving. It should open up LWs eyes to the reality of the situation. Copyright 2023 The Relationship Notes.Privacy Policy . Just like if she says like every other word someone needs to point that out and keep pointing it out until she does something about it. It may take years and years before the pay-off is apparent. July 2, 2013, 4:19 pm. You also said that your daughter ~does~ participate in her fathers well-liked activities when he asks (& I do think you can do your part to encourage her participation, if youre not already.). I mean, maybe? Then wed throw it back and go back to just hanging out. I thought you might like it because of x,y, and z. You are the only one who knows whats best for you and your family. Well, how nice for you that your 12-year-old daughter is interested in all the same things youre interested in! Plus, I gotta say, I dont love ripping into the mom for being Greedy , when it is understandable to want to foster such clearly shared interests with her daughter. My dad probably had no interest in my piano recitals or spelling bees, but he sure knew how to act like they were the most important things in the world to him. No. And this is his responsibility too. If your daughter is still willingly doing these activities I dunno since most teenagers are rather bratty and self absorbed and not keen on doing things they dont enjoy Id hazard a guess she finds them more fun than you would like. lets_be_honest Child Endangerment - a Possibility When Driving Drunk - HG.org Contact Us. She asks me to tell her how much I love her regularly, so I do. And I really do think he has been 100%, maybe even 110% put on the back burner. So the fact that there are things that he likes doing is a good start, and the fact that he wants to do those things with your daughter is excellent. So, here is the thing. I cant concentrate, I get bored, shit distracts me, I have to deal with the kids/dogs/etc and then people bitch Im not there to play, then I play badly as Im not paying attention.. so I try to get out of it then get all snitty reactions since Im not joining in having fun. MY HUSBAND is not an emotional man and has always found it difficult to talk about how he feels. But no amount of time spent is going to make an experience with someone who doesnt really respect you as you are more enjoyable. Even now, as an adult, when he says he doesnt care and I can pick whatever, I know that isnt really true I put on say yes to the dress and hell be like, ok, well, not this. It seems way more acceptable to be a nut for sports but if you watch Buffy? Yet, while lamenting that they are not closer, he simply refuses to engage with her on these subjects. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. He is dedicated and hard-working. Or other strategy games (Small World, Ivanhoe, Nuns on the Run) might be a great way for all of you to connect. These were followed up by hours and hours of This Old House, which we were required to sit through for family time but we werent allowed to speak at all during the show, lest my father miss something. That is why he is pushing her to explore new things. She is also noncompetitive. My plan is to lock mine in the basement and bribe her into going to a local college. If your H has strong BPD traits, his child-like behavior is easy to explain because his emotional development likely is frozen at about age four. I intervene and quieten things down when I can, but it's not easy and I am at the point of wondering whether it's all worth the effort. In her mind, hes the only man who should be in your life and she may feel like shes losing him if you get divorced. How so? If you are involved with a crazy-making partner, dont think youre alone. If a father is not present in his daughters life, she may feel neglected and unloved. I was bookish, nerdy and fangirly so I really connect with the LWs daughter. Remember, your relationship with your spouse should come first. As a kid, I was really into the idea of going to museums and seeing plays, but my parents refused to indulge me on it because they wanted me to like the outdoors, hunting, etc. Most certainly. My Husband Is An Angry Parent And I Hate It - Scary Mommy At this age I wouldnt try to force her to do activities she doesnt like because it just results in lots of anger and bad attitude and whining. I get that hes probably feeling left out, but thats not cool. Oh, and he thinks TV can actually teach somebody something more relevant than the fact that its both rather silly and stupid to be a Vampire Slayer Not too mention angst-filled. Additionally, she may worry that a new man in your life will try to take his place and replace him entirely.
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